Toxic
by brybrylie
Summary: Chapter 2 is up! I take one last sip of my diet Coke and stand up to leave. I glance his direction one more time, and that is when I see him looking at me. RayAbby relationship. Please read and review!
1. Default Chapter

**Title: Toxic**

**Rating: R (It's naughty!)**

**Spoilers: None.**

**  
****Disclaimer: ER or anything associated with it does not belong to me. **

**I am reposting this with a few corrections. I had quite a few typos in my first version, so I have corrected those.**

**I was inspired to write this based upon the lyrics of Toxic by Britney Spears. I'm not a big fan of Britney, but this song was playing in the car the other day and the words inspired me to write this fic. I'll post portions of the lyrics throughout.**

**Authors Notes at the end.**

* * *

_Baby can't you see,_

_I'm calling,_

_A guy like you, _

_Should wear a warnin'_

_It's dangerous... I'm fallin'_

* * *

I can't take my eyes off of him. I have been watching him for weeks now. He really is a good doctor and a nice guy when he doesn't think anyone can see him. He has a heart, but he quickly covers it up with his cocky attitude. 

I can't remember the first moment I really noticed him. All I know is that for the past few weeks, he is all I think about. When he walks past me or says something to me, my body tingles. I don't know, maybe it has just been too long since I have been with a man. I really am pathetic. But, whatever it is, it doesn't matter, because I find myself sitting here in this bar watching his band play.

He mentioned to Neela earlier today that he was playing tonight, and asked her if she wanted to come see his band. Of course she didn't want to come alone, so she dragged me along. I nonchalantly agreed, but really my heart was racing and my palms were getting sweaty. To see him outside of County in a different environment is killing me. And now, I stare up at him on stage and I can't tear my eyes away. He is so mesmerizing. With the lights beating down on him and the way he plays his guitar, I feel myself growing weak with desire. What kind of power does he have over me? The worst part is that he doesn't have any idea, and he probably never will. Why couldn't I have this kind of desire for someone more practical, maybe someone more my age?

I hear Neela ask me if I want a drink, and yet I still can't tear my eyes away from him. I mumble something about a diet Coke and she disappears for a minute or two. When she comes back with the drinks I manage to look at her and smile. Does she have any idea what is happening to me? I doubt it. Why would anyone guess that a twenty-something punk doctor in a rock band would have this kind of power over me? He isn't my usual type. Though, it's been so long that I don't know if I have a 'type' anymore.

It's getting late and the band finally plays their last song. I wish this night never had to end. I could watch him play forever.

"Abby. It's late, I have the early shift tomorrow morning. I think I'm going take off."

"Ok." I tear my eyes off of him and smile at Neela. "I'm going to stick around for a few more minutes. I'll see you later."

I watch her leave the bar and I turn around and scan the crowd for him. I see him talking to some girl with fake boobs. They have to be fake, there is no way that someone's boobs can be that perky on their own. Well it figures. A guy like him would have a girl like her. Hell, he probably has groopies. Well, it really is getting late and I probably should go. It looks like he has someone to entertain him tonight anyway.

I take one last sip of my diet Coke and stand up to leave. I glance in his direction one more time, and that is when I see him looking at me. I flash him a smile and do a quick wave. He smiles back and heads in my direction. I can't believe he is coming over here! I feel my cheeks burning and hope that he doesn't notice.

"Hey." Ray says making my knees go weak.

"Hi." Is that really my voice? It sounded so deep and sultry. Why is it betraying me like this? I have got to get a hold of myself.

"So what did you think?" His smile is going to be the death of me.

"I loved it. You're amazing." That voice again! "Neela was here, she just took off because she has the early shift tomorrow." I don't know why I am explaining this to him.

"I know, I saw you guys."

I hope he didn't see me staring at him all night. I can't believe I am acting this way. I feel like I am twelve years old and I have my first big crush.

"Do you want to go get some coffee or something to eat?" He asks.

My heart beats faster and I just nod my head yes. There is no trusting my voice at this point, it has already betrayed me tonight.

"I just need to take care of something really fast. I'll meet you out front in like five minutes."

I nod again and he takes off in the direction of the whore. The whore. I forgot about her. I shouldn't have agreed to this. He has a girlfriend, or many girlfriends for all I know, but I am beyond the point of reason now.

_

* * *

__There's no escape,_

_I can't wit_

_I need a hit_

_baby, give me it._

_You're dangerous... I'm loving it._

* * *

I head out front and try to compose myself while I am waiting for him. 

"Ready?"

I hear his voice behind me and I spin around to look at him. Oh, he is so beautiful.

I nod again. Then I notice his guitar case he is holding.

"What about your guitar? Do you want to take it home first?" Subtle very subtle.

"I can bring it with us." He shrugs.

"We can drop it off. I really don't mind." Why don't I just throw myself at him!

He just shrugs again. "Well, I only live a couple of blocks down the street. I guess we could go drop it off first."

"It's nice outside, I wouldn't mind the walk." I smile at him and then glance away to hide my flushed cheeks.

We walk down the street side by side in silence. Just being this close to him has rendered me speechless. I can't seem to even form a sentence in my head. Then I remember there was something I needed to ask him. Something I have to know.

Without looking at him, I proceed with it. "I hope I didn't interrupt any plans you may have had. With your girlfriend, I mean."

He stops walking. "My girlfriend?"

I stop walking as well and turn to look at him. "Yeah, the blonde."

"Oh." He's laughing now. Why is he laughing?

"She's not my girlfriend. Jared, our lead singer, she is his fiancé."

"Oh." Now it's my turn to say that. I wish that I could drop off the face of the earth right now, except then I wouldn't be able to stand this close to him and take in his smell. He is making me so weak.

We start walking again in silence. After a few minutes I hear him say my name.

"Abby." I love the way he says it. I want to hear him say my name more often.

"Hmmm?"

"I don't have a girlfriend."

I can't even muster up the courage to look at him right now. Fortunately we arrive at his apartment building and I don't have to.

"Do you want to come up?"

Does he really need to ask?

"Sure." I say casually.

I follow him up three flights of stairs to apartment 304. He holds the door open for me and I walk in and wait for him to put his guitar away in a back bedroom. I take the time to survey the apartment. It's nice, but you can definitely tell that a guy, or several guys live here. He's back now and I see him smiling at me. He's standing close enough that I can smell his scent and it's making me dizzy.

_

* * *

__Too high, can't come down._

_Losing my head spinning round and round..._

_Do you feel me now._

* * *

"It's kind of messy. I live here with two other guys. Jared, our lead singer, and Aaron, he's not in the band." 

"It's nice." I attempt a smile at him.

"So where do you want to go get coffee?" He heads towards the door and this time my feet betray me because I don't follow him. I'm not ready to leave just yet.

"We don't have to go anywhere." Did I really just say that?

He laughs. "I don't know if we have any coffee here."

"I don't really feel like coffee anyway." I look him in the eye and I can't tear my eyes off of his.

He must be getting my hint now, because he doesn't say anything and instead he just takes a step towards me.

"Abby." Does he know what that does to me?

I take a step towards him and we are almost touching. My heart is pounding in my chest now and I wonder if he can hear it. I lift my head up and gaze into his eyes. His lips descend upon mine and I grab onto him to steady myself.

_

* * *

__With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride_

_You are toxic gun slippin' under_

_With a taste of a poison paradise_

_I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic_

_And I love what you do Don't you know that you're toxic._

* * *

My eyes flutter shut and I return his kiss with an urgency that even I didn't know I possessed. I need him more than I have ever needed a drink. He is a powerful drug that I am giving myself to. 

He must feel my urgency because his tongue divides my lips and reaches inside of my mouth. I feel like I am in a whirlwind. It's almost too much for me now and I take a step backwards. I try to catch my breath and my eyes meet his again.

"Abby. I'm sorry." Why is he apologizing? I've got to make him stop. Doesn't he realize what he is doing to me? I want him. I need this.

I shake my head at him, trying to make him stop, but I think he is interpreting this wrong.

"I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what I was thinking." He continues on with this nonsense and I don't know how to get my point across.

"Stop." I put my fingers over his lips. He looks at me intensely.

I smile at him and take a step back towards him. My chest brushing up against his. I feel him sway a little and his eyes dip low. Now I think he understands me.

_

* * *

__It's getting late to give it up_

_I took a sip from my devil's cup._

_Slowly its' taking over me._

_Too high, can't come down_

_It's in the air and it's all around_

_Could you feel me now._

* * *

I reach down and lift my shirt over my head and let it fall off of my fingers onto the floor below me. As I raise my eyes to meet his again, I realize that he is looking at my intensely. Did I know this would happen when I chose a shirt that didn't require a bra tonight? Well, either way, I think he likes it. 

I see him take a deep breath and with a small smile he grabs my hand and leads me to a back bedroom that I assume is his. He leaves me standing by the doorway as he rushes over to clear some clothes off of his bed. Typical guy. His room is rather messy, but it's okay because it smells like him and that makes my knees go weak.

I reach out and steady myself on the doorframe. I lean against it and close my eyes just concentrating on breathing. I can't believe this is happening to me. And more importantly, I can't believe that I am making this happen.

I feel his breath on my neck and I know that he is close to me now. I open my eyes again and let him lead me to the bed. He turns to sit down and I pull him close to me before he has the chance. He looks at me questioningly. I answer his look my pulling his shirt over his head and tossing it behind him.

This gets a smile from him. Wow. Now my goal is to do anything to get a smile from those gorgeous lips. I run my hands up and down his chest and he shivers at my touch.

I lower my hands down and undo my jeans that I am wearing. I pull them down to my ankles and step out of them. Now I am left standing in only my underwear, feeling very vulnerable. I finally get the courage to look up at him again, and I am glad that I do.

The look on his face is priceless. Thank you Victoria's Secret. I think he approves of my black lacy boy brief underwear. They're really comfortable, but secretly when I bought them, I thought of him.

He sits on the bed and pulls me over so that I am standing between his legs. He runs his fingers up and down my sides and it's my turn to shiver at his touch. I climb on the bed straddling his lap and push him down so that his back is laying on the bed. As I lower myself down to him, he lets out a moan.

It makes me smile to see that I have some power over him, because he has no idea the power he has over me.

* * *

_I'm intoxicated now_

_I think you'll love it now_

_I think I'm ready now_

_I think I'm ready now_

_I'm intoxicated now_

_I think you'll love it now_

_I think I'm ready now._

* * *

He rolls us over so that he is above me pinning me to the bed. I lower my hands and start to undo his jeans. He smiles and stands up to lower them and he takes his jeans and boxers off in one swift move. Now it is my turn to moan. The sight of him is enough to take anyone's breath away. 

He joins me back on the bed in our previous position and I pull his neck down so that his lips meet mine. He obliges and our kiss intensifies. My hands wander up and down his body. I want to feel every inch of him, taste every part of his body. If this is a dream, then I want to remember this forever when I wake up.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel his tongue descend upon my nipple and I arch my back and let out a sigh. He takes this as a good sign and explores more with his tongue down my stomach.

He hooks his thumbs on my underwear and pulls them down and off of my legs. I close my eyes and wait for the inevitable as his tongue makes it's way between my thighs. Everything starts spinning around me and I have to grab onto his head to pull myself back out of oblivion. He must feel my need because he picks up the pace with his tongue until I cry out and my body starts to shake uncontrollably.

My eyes stay shut until I calm down and can form an actual thought in my mind. Though, the only thought I can form is that I need to make him feel what I just felt. I slowly open my eyes and find his face next to mine, smiling. I manage to smile back and whisper, "Thank you."

He nods and his smile gets even bigger. Now I know what I need to do and nothing is going to stop me.

I push him down so that he is lying on his back and I climb on top of him and straddle his legs. I look up at his face and see that he is watching my every move. I slowly lower my head down to his manhood and take it in my mouth. He throws his head back and cries out.

I take this as a good sign and start to pick up the pace. I can tell that he is enjoying this, but I have to say that I am enjoying this quite a bit myself. I love having this power over him.

I feel his hands reach down and stop my movements. I pull my head up and look at him questioningly.

"You better stop." He manages to mutter. "I can't last much longer."

"That's ok." I whisper to him.

"No." He pulls me up next to him and rolls over on top of me. "I want to feel inside of you."

Wow. Could this get any better? Most guys wouldn't have stopped me. He is a work of art.

I nod my head at him and he slowly enters my body. I adjust myself slightly and he waits until I get comfortable. It just reminds me how long it has been since I have done this.

"You're so tight." He whispers into my ear.

I just bite my bottom lip and look into his eyes.

"I love it." His lips take mine again as our bodies find a rhythm that fits us. I can't believe this is happening to me. This is better than anything that I remember.

Our rocking gets quicker and I know that he is getting close. I want to feel that power over him again, so I roll us over so that I am on top. I adjust my hips and start to roll them around in circles on him.

"Oh, Abby." He shouts out and closes his eyes. I smile to myself and quicken my movements until I feel him explode inside of me. His body tremors over and over. I lower my chest down onto his and rest my head on his shoulder. This is heaven. I could die happy now.

After a few minutes I pull off of him and lay down beside him. He finally opens his eyes and looks at me intensely. I can't look away from his gaze. He is mesmerizing me.

"That was wow." He whispers and I completely understand. There are no words to describe it.

I nod my head at him and smile. This has been absolutely the best day of my life.

* * *

_I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic_

_With a taste of your lips I'm on a ride_

_Your toxic gun slippin' under_

_With a taste of your poison paradise_

_I'm addicted to you Don't you know that you're toxic._

* * *

**Well, I told you it was going to be naughty. Anyway, please push that little button below and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Toxic**

**Rating: R **

**  
Spoilers: None.  
**

**Disclaimer: ER or anything associated with it does not belong to me. **

**I originally wrote this fic as a stand alone. But I have had a few ideas so I wanted to continue with it. I appreciate all the support those of you who have reviewed gave me. Thanks.**

**Authors Notes at the end.**

* * *

What I did last night was something that I have never done before. I really surprised myself. Even today it doesn't seem real. Maybe it was just a really good dream. You know the kind that you wake up blushing and you never tell anybody about. What surprises me even more is the fact that we were both on today and we went about our business like it never happened.

For the most part, I avoided him like the plague. I worked with Ray on only one trauma and it was business as usual. He didn't look at me and I didn't look at him. It was as if it never happened.

Yet deep down I am glad that it did happen. I have never done anything so reckless and carefree as that in my entire life. Something that I will always remember, but will absolutely never let happen again. A one time event that I can think about when I am really old and lonely and I'll think about the time that I had sex with that hot young doctor in the rock band. That thought alone ought to keep me happy in my old age.

I don't know whose decision it was to ignore what we did and pretend like nothing happened. I don't think we actually talked about it. It was more of just a mutual decision that goes without saying. We were never meant to be. We're two completely different people from two completely different lifestyles. I'm way too old for him and he is way to punk rock for me. It would never work.

But....the sex was better than anything I have ever experienced.

So maybe that is why I find myself standing outside his apartment door at 1:00 a.m. I don't remember the cab ride over here, nor do I remember climbing the three flights of stairs to apartment 304. All I know is that I am here and suddenly I don't have the courage to knock on the door.

I shouldn't have come here. Yet I can't seem to make myself leave. Finally, I reach out and knock on the door. I shouldn't have done that. Am I crazy? I'm thinking about turning around and running down the stairs as fast as I can when the door suddenly swings open and catches me off guard. I just stand there dumbfounded, not knowing what to say.

"Ray, I think its for you."

Some guy, who I assume is Ray's roommate, opened the door. He leaves me standing in the hallway and disappears into a back bedroom. If my feet weren't glued to the floor right now, I would have had my chance to escape down the hall.

It's too late. Ray comes stumbling out of his bedroom looking half asleep. I must have woke him up. Well, duh, it is 1:00 a.m. What did I expect? What am I even doing here? He saunters over to the door wearing only pajama bottoms and no shirt. He looks so good. Now I remember why I am here.

"Abby?" He blinks a couple of times and leans up against the door frame.

"Hi." I can't even find the words to explain to him why I am here. I think he knows though. No explanation necessary.

He smiles at me and opens the door further as if inviting me in. I don't know where I have found all my courage of late, but I step inside and he closes the door. He nods his head towards his room and I follow him.

We step inside his bedroom and he closes the door behind him. I sit on his bed and look up at him standing by the door. I look him in the eyes and finally smile back at him. He laughs.

"I gotta admit I wasn't expecting this." He says still smiling.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come, it's late." I say the words, but they are without meaning as I lay back on his bed and stretch out.

He laughs again and comes and joins me on the bed. He lays down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling.

"So?" He turns his head to look at me.

"You know why I am here." I say this while continuing to stare at the ceiling.

"I'm not sure if I do." He says trying to sound serious, but I can still hear the smile in his voice.

Sighing I turn my head to look at him. "You're the best sex I've ever had?" I form it as a question and that really gets a laugh out of him.

He pulls me to him and plants a soft kiss on my lips. He pulls away and looks at me through half closed eyes. He is so sexy when he does that.

I climb on top of him straddling his legs and I reach down and pull my shirt off over my head. Then I reach behind me and undo my bra, tossing it on the floor to join my shirt. He moans and pulls me down to him.

So this is how it all started. Our one night stand turned into something more. Sometimes I show up at his place, and sometimes he shows up at mine. He always checks the schedule to see when Neela is working nights before he comes over. No one at County knows. How could they know? We act like we don't even know each other at work. No one would suspect at thing. It's perfect.

Right?

We fulfill each other's needs. No strings attached.

So why do I find myself falling for Ray Barnett?

* * *

**I promise this is going somewhere. Anway, let me know if you actually want me to go there, or if I should stop! Thanks.**


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